Here are the winners of this
year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of
time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an
asshole.
3. Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your
money to start with.
4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The
substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking
down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any
misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very,
very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This
one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like,
when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then,
like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
13.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler
Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The
frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a
spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn
after finding half a worm in the fruit you're
eating.
The Washington Post has also
published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.
And the winners
are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one
coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering
how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate,
v. To give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an
explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj.
Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly
answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7.
Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle,
n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence,
n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly
receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous
question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal,
dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon,
n.. A Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster,
n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The
belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets
stuck there..
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the
front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.
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